Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
