i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
