Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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