He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
