Apparently you make a good broom.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
