conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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