Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
