I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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