she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
