You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
