why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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