And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you made out with another girl for some wings
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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