I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
