i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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