You just made me feel so damn special
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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