Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
