no, he came in my armpit
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
