Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
