i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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