i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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