I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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