My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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