I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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