ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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