So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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