Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
