uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
