his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
