I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
