Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
