Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
