So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
