smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
