I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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