HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
