Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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