i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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