i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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