So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
