is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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