True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
