I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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