im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I checked into jail on foursquare
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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