dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
