Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
