Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
