Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
