sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
