I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
