My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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