I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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