I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
