it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
