He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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