some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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